Why is there that one guy, the guy that can take your breath.. or more like knock the wind out of you while clenching your heart with one look, or seeing one picture after a long time. Is this something that I will have to deal with the rest of my life. Will Caleb always be there in the ghosts chambers of my heart- having chased all the others away. Whether I knew it or he knew it.. he chased them all away. Its been years, and the thoughts of him have more time between. I think I'd rather think of him everyday with a faint smile then try to let go, eventually get him out.. them WHAM!* BANG*#&$ right in the gut. You find a picture of him on the net ... just doin his thing.. Makes me so sad. Like I fucked up the one thing that was destined to make me happy. All in one answer.. one breath one fucking mistake.. Oh well. I know I am well over it and almost him.. but I am wondering if it will always be there.. that irrational pain? Is it worse for those of us who are mental stability challenged ? he he he I like that thought. anyhow... It sucked.. I wish it could have worked out better.. or I guess more in my favor.. whichever way you look at it.. but I just can't help wondering??? What if I had the chance to go back.. to change it all... he he he he .. go ashton!